The holidays by themselves can be stressful. When you throw in a birthday or two in the same month, it can feel overwhelming. I'd like to share my thoughts and experiences as someone who has a birthday in December.
As a child, your birthday is what you look forward to all year round! It's a significant milestone in your growing up process, and each year has it's highlights and disasters that make or break that year.
It's a time to celebrate you! Your life and who you are as part of a family and your circle of friends.
Children look forward to birthday parties for their friends, and want their party be as enjoyable for their friends.
The main thing that I felt as a child with a December birthday was that it was a burden. I remember being asked what I wanted for Christmas, and I usually said, "I don't know," because I was also taught not to ask for things. Then I'd hear, "I don't know what to get you for Christmas, or for your birthday, either!" And to me it felt like my birthday was burdensome, and it cast a shadow over what was supposed to be a time of celebration.
Remember that your child did not have a choice in choosing their birthday date or season!
It's fun to have a brand new baby at Christmas, and hold that baby and think of Mary and baby Jesus. But that newness doesn't hold true for every year after that. And the child then picks up on the stress of so much going on and associates that with them. They can easily believe that they are a problem and it's their fault.
Another belief that this can lead to, is that "it works for everyone else, but not for me." The root being that, "Everyone else's birthdays are fun and celebrated, but mine is at the wrong time." "I'm just a bother." And that lends to the thinking that "I'm not worthy of celebration."
I see parents all over the map on this. Some handle it well and have done things to help the child feel celebrated. I knew of a child born on Christmas day, and they chose to celebrate with a big party on July 25th with all the friends. I think that they had a small family acknowledgement of the December 25th birthday, but the big party was at a time that was not rolled into Christmas. And since there are Christmas in July celebrations, it fit there, too!
I have a nephew and his wife that celebrate their kids' December birthdays well. In fact they have four December birthdays in their household! They choose to have big theme birthday parties with their friends for each one. Each one feels celebrated and it's a time of fun and joy!
Some birthdays are just tacked on to a regular family gathering, and I'm pretty sure that child feels like an inconvenience!
How do you want your children to remember their birthday events that seem to collide with other holiday times? How can you make them feel celebrated and loved? Yes, it will take intentionality. Yes, it will take effort. The result of not doing so could be a child feeling unloved, unwanted, unworthy, and left out.
As a parent, you have lots of responsibilities to your children. You focus mostly on their physical needs, educational needs, and spiritual needs. How about their emotional needs? When they start to act something out, it is usually because they are lacking something in an area. How do you take inventory of what they are going through?
I hope that this will alert you to process if changes are necessary for holiday birthdays in your family. The consequences can be long term and this root is so subtle, and you might not recognize it as a seed for other actions.
In this day and time, we exchange time spent together to time on our phones playing games or watching videos. We retreat to within ourselves and are losing the art of communication. Children need playtime and interaction with other kids their age. They need to be celebrated and learn to celebrate others. Give and receive. There is an art to both.
The approach to navigating holiday birthdays should be that they are not different from any other birthday. It does demand a conscious effort to create distinct and meaningful celebrations that reaffirm a child's worth and significance. Children absorb what is going on around them. A holiday birthday event should not be different than any other birthday in your family.
Birthday Ideas: